Comment Wall

 

Comment Wall




Comments

  1. Hey Dalton!

    I love that you decided to go for a breaking news type layout for your stories. So, for the first radio show, I love how there was a back-and-forth conversation between the radio host and Arjun. You might want to separate the lines because it just seems like Arjun is the only one talking. In my opinion, it would be better if the conversation was separated. For example, I took part of your story and changed the layout. You can see it down before. I feel if you had the conversation in this type of format, then the story would be able to flow better. Currently, it is confusing who is talking. Yudhishthira’s story was also really sad. It was upsetting that he lost his siblings. I understand that he did not want to be king since he lost everything dearest to him. I am glad that you changed the layout for your second story. It flows a lot better. Your story was very entertaining and easy to follow. Perhaps in the next story, we may get to “listen” to a happier story. Keep up the good work!

    (Arjuna: "I have had better days I will say."

    Radio Host: What all has been happening to you because it sounds like you have been having some rough times?

    Arjuna: "Well there has been a lot before this but what really set me off was learning that my son was killed.")

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  2. Hi Dalton! I love the concept of your storybook! This is such a creative idea – telling the story of the Mahabharata through a radio show! I think by focusing on characters that have a greater impact allows for the reader to be more focused on them. Showing emotion is a great way for the reader to visualize the characters while reading the storybook, and you have done a great job depicting that. The way you have conveyed the Mahabharata through the radio show makes it so much more relatable. I really look forward to reading more of the stories because this is just such an amazing concept. In the first story: Ramayana – the title “BREAKING NEWS” gave justice to your radio show concept. The dialogues between Brahma and the reporter was just amazing, I enjoyed it so much. An interview concept is also very creative! Overall, a very creative and well-done job!

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  3. Hello Dalton, first I read Mahabharata and I thought that it was very interesting. I really enjoyed how you turned it into a radio show and brought the characters on to speak. One thing I may have done would have been to just add some more details into the explanations of the character’s. This would just draw the readers in more and allow them to empathize more. The next story I read was Ravana. I really enjoyed the style of this story and thought it was very unique. One thing I did catch onto while reading the story was that some of your sentences were worded weird or slightly confusing. If you just go back and change those little things it will make it much easier to read. Overall, I thought your stories were really cool and unique and I look forward to reading more!

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  4. Hey Dalton! I like the concept you're going with, turning the Ramayana and Mahabharata into "breaking news" stories. I especially thought the interview style for Brahma regarding Ravana was really well done, and an interesting way to tell that story and allow the character to express regrets and opinions that wouldn't otherwise appear in the story.

    I think you nailed the format in the Ramayana piece, but the Mahabharata one could use some different formatting - having the dialogue in paragraphs like that makes it difficult to follow. That may be an editing thing you haven't had time for yet, which is totally cool. You should check out the way a lot of theatrical plays are scripted, that might give you some unique ideas for the dialogue-heavy parts of your work.

    Also, I had a technical issue you might need to look at: the link from your portfolio page to the comment wall didn't work for me, it just looped back to your portfolio in a new tab.

    Regardless, really great work. I look forward to seeing whatever news story breaks next!

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  5. Hello Dalton,
    I really enjoyed reading your retelling of the Ramayana from a news report perspective. It made the story seem more modern and it gave it a nice twists. One thing I noticed is that you mentioned that Ravana met a person named Shiva and became their follower, however Shiva was actually a god just like Brahma, so they maybe something you wish to change. Other than that one detail I thought that your story was very easy to follow and it was very fun to read. The layout made me intrigued and really pulled me in.

    P.S. You might want to check you links on your portfolio they all go right back to your portfolio, so I had to find your blog in the list of blogs for the class to find your comment wall.

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  6. Hey Dalton!
    I’ve just read your story on the Mahabharata, and I found it really interesting and refreshing.
    I believe that this radio show concept brings a personal and intimate touch to each speaking character. However, it was hard to read and follow the dialogue. It is just some details, but it would be neater to put some spaces between the dialogues and the narration.
    The focus for this week is the author’s note. So, I agree with you when you said that the radio concept could give a real-life aspect and it’s easier to read. I find that your note is concise and has everything it needs. Your website is clear and easy to navigate.
    You might check the spelling of the word Mahabharata on your page; you wrote the word two times without the “h” after the “b.” You might also check the link for your image and bibliography; it doesn’t go where it’s supposed to go.
    Thanks for your story, I enjoyed it!

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